I'm writing to tell you that we're over.
I'm breaking up with you.
I've broken up with you before, and I thought we were finished forever, but I was wrong.
I happily slammed the door in your face, bid you good riddance, and wiped my hands clean of you, but somehow, you weaseled in through the cracks and crevices and found your way back to my heart.
If I'm truly being honest, and I am, then I have to admit that I played a part in us getting back together. I cracked the door open ever so slightly, giving you space to crawl in. I listened to and entertained your whispers and lies, and I believed the things you said that weren't true but felt true… the what has been's, the what if's, and the what will be's.
I fell for you and I gave you ground, but now I'm taking it back.
Strangely somehow, your tempting and enticing lure, though false and debilitating and suffocating, is easier to give way to than truth. Truth requires trust and trust is so very vulnerable and risky. It calls for courage and strength beyond measure. It's jumping off a cliff blindly, unable to see the ground below, but believing that it's still there and you'll land safely on it.
Trust is believing you'll be caught.
Fear, on the other hand, is standing at the cliff, clinging tightly to the edge and to a false sense of safety and security. It doesn't require risk. It doesn't invite vulnerability. It never calls up courage. Fear stays small and refuses to jump, to give up control, to trust, and ultimately, to find life.
I'm done with clinging tightly to the edge.
I'm done with you, Fear.
Because I am a woman who listens to Love and not to fear. Who wants life in every way imaginable, regardless of whether it's safe, comfortable, or easy. I am a woman who risks, who trusts, who willingly jumps and takes the leap because she knows she'll be caught and she knows the One who catches her.
She knows him well.
And so that is why we are over.
Through and finished.
You and me.
For my good.
So long, Fear...
"Fear not, for I am with you."
~ Isaiah 41:10
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are mine."
~ Isaiah 43:1
"What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?"
"She took the leap and built her wings on the way down."