May 17, 2012


It was an average day, nothing really special or out of the ordinary.  Just a day spent at home with mundane tasks at hand... laundry, cleaning, working out, emails, menu planning, grocery list making, cooking, carpool and then a bit more laundry.  The day went along without incident until the afternoon rolled around and with it, a thick dark cloud that settled into place right above me.

A medical bill came in the mail that I was expecting it's just that I wasn't expecting it to be quite so very much.  And then there was a frustrating, border-line heated conversation with one of my children over some homework that had been put to the side until the very last minute and the very last minute was barely going to cut it.  Hadn't we had this conversation a thousand times before and hadn't they learned that procrastinating is never ever a good idea?  And didn't they understand by now that keeping things from your parents was an even worse idea?

There were other things as well... things of a more internal nature.  Doubt, fear, anxiety, sorrow and disillusionment nipped at my mind and begged for my undivided attention.  I could feel the downward pull on my heart.  The cloud was growing darker and darker and larger and larger as it threatened to break loose above me and rain down mercilessly.

But I had been in that same place thousands of times before and had allowed those thick, heavy clouds to rain on my parade and steal my hope, my joy and my trust.  I just didn't want to do that this time.  I have learned that if I want life, I am going to have to fight for it.

So I turned my heart away from the dark and ever-looming cloud and instead shifted it towards light and life.  This is what I heard from Jesus in that moment, "I am not surprised by any of this, by this dark and heavy cloud.  I knew it was coming before it even came.  You have all that you need in me.  You have more than enough.  Do not give way."

And I whispered in response, "I trust you, Jesus.  I choose to trust you and to live by what is true not by what I feel.  You are all that I need.  You are more than enough."

And then I thanked him for great medical insurance because without it the bill would have been much, much higher.  And I took the child who had made a mistake in my arms and held them close and reminded them that I love them not because they perform well or make good choices but simply because they are mine.  And somewhere along the way, as the afternoon turned to evening, the heavy, dark cloud faded away and the sky above me was once again clear.


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