January 17, 2013

Impasses and Moving Forward

Sometimes I wish I wrote a food blog where I would share delicious recipes and post beautiful, mouth-watering photos of my culinary creations.  Or maybe a home-decorating blog where I'd consider endless ways to display knick knacks and share how-to's on arranging and distressing furniture.  Both would be tons of fun and much, much easier to write than a blog about my journey and heart.

It's been five weeks since I last wrote a post and though I'd like to blame my lack of words on the busy holidays, the putting away of Christmas, and the start of a new year, the quiet has been due more to the fact that I hit an impasse with my writing.  My words ran out for a time and I kind of lost my way.  Over the past few weeks I've been pondering and praying over the questions... Why do I write?  Who am I writing for?  What is God after in my heart through this blog?  What does he have in store?  Where does my blog... where do I... go from here?

I love to write.  I love words and the art of crafting them together to express my heart.  I feel drawn to writing and know that God has called me to it, but at times it is immensely difficult.  To boldly hold my heart out to be seen and heard, especially here on the internet, feels incredibly vulnerable, naked, and raw.  Sometimes I feel really brave and other times I feel very foolish.  Most of the time, I have absolutely no idea how my words are being interpreted, if they make any sense at all, and if they are touching the hearts of others and bringing life like I so desire.

Every now and then, I just want to be silent and tuck my heart and all that's treasured there, away where no one can see and hear it and I don't have to be brave.  I know it's okay to go there, to rest and be quiet for a bit, but I also know I can't stay there for long.  God made me to be a writer.  It's part of my design and how he's written himself on my heart.  When I write, I feel his pleasure... his delight.

Weeks later, I still don't have answers to all of my questions.  I'm still praying and pondering, but I'm also moving forward beyond the impasse, trusting Jesus in the process, and once again, boldly and vulnerably, holding my heart out to be seen and heard.  I can't help it.  It's who I am.


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