August 28, 2014

So Long, Fear...

Dear Fear,

I'm writing to tell you that we're over.

We're done.

I'm breaking up with you.

I've broken up with you before, and I thought we were finished forever, but I was wrong.

I happily slammed the door in your face, bid you good riddance, and wiped my hands clean of you, but somehow, you weaseled in through the cracks and crevices and found your way back to my heart.

If I'm truly being honest, and I am, then I have to admit that I played a part in us getting back together. I cracked the door open ever so slightly, giving you space to crawl in. I listened to and entertained your whispers and lies, and I believed the things you said that weren't true but felt true… the what has been's, the what if's, and the what will be's.

I fell for you and I gave you ground, but now I'm taking it back.

Strangely somehow, your tempting and enticing lure, though false and debilitating and suffocating, is easier to give way to than truth. Truth requires trust and trust is so very vulnerable and risky. It calls for courage and strength beyond measure. It's jumping off a cliff blindly, unable to see the ground below, but believing that it's still there and you'll land safely on it. 

Trust is believing you'll be caught. 

Fear, on the other hand, is standing at the cliff, clinging tightly to the edge and to a false sense of safety and security. It doesn't require risk. It doesn't invite vulnerability. It never calls up courage. Fear stays small and refuses to jump, to give up control, to trust, and ultimately, to find life.

No more.

I'm done with clinging tightly to the edge.

I'm done with you, Fear.

Because I am a woman who listens to Love and not to fear. Who wants life in every way imaginable, regardless of whether it's safe, comfortable, or easy. I am a woman who risks, who trusts, who willingly jumps and takes the leap because she knows she'll be caught and she knows the One who catches her.

She knows him well.

And so that is why we are over.

Through and finished.

You and me.

For good.

For my good.

So long, Fear...

"Fear not, for I am with you."
~ Isaiah 41:10

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are mine."
~ Isaiah 43:1

"What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?"
~ Unknown

"She took the leap and built her wings on the way down."
~ Unknown


August 5, 2014

Runner Woman

Though I like to run, and I'm trying to become better at it, I am not really a runner.

At least not in the long distance marathon sort of way.

But when I get out there on the pavement and my blood starts pumping and music is blasting in my ears, my feet take on a rhythm and pace all their own and something shifts in me and I start acting like a runner.

I become a runner.

I run fast and hard and I wave to the other runners as they pass me by, and when they don't wave back because they're tired or concentrating or maybe because waving isn't cool, I give them a little nod that says, "Hey! How's it going? We got this thing! We can do this!" And sometimes they look back at me like, "Seriously? Are you for real? You're not really a runner. You're just pretending to be one." And I just smile and give them a look that says, "Oh. Yes. I. Am. A. Runner. Watch me!" And then I take off and run as fast as I possibly can.

I get a little feisty out there on that hot, steamy pavement. Something comes alive in me, something wakens and stirs deep in my heart. The fog lifts. My mind is free and I can think and feel and see things clearly.

I do some of my best writing out there on those streets where words flow freely as sweat pours down my face and endurance and strength take deeper root in my heart.

God meets me there and runs with me. He reminds me of who I am and what I'm capable of. He cheers me on and gives me the nod that says, "You've got this. You are for real. You are a runner. I see you and I'm proud of you."

And to that, I pick up my pace and throw up my arms and run down those streets with everything I have and everything in me.






"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, 
let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. 
And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."
~ Hebrews 12:1

"I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. 
And when I run, I feel his pleasure."
~  Chariots of Fire

"Run like you stole something."
~ Unknown

"This girl is on fire..."
~ Alicia Keys

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