March 6, 2015

Keeping Score


It was once the number of people who followed me on Instagram and compared to others, to those who have hundreds and thousands of followers, it was a teeny tiny number.  Very teeny tiny, actually.  As in, I think I may have almost been invisible.

Though I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit it, at one time this little number had me quite discouraged, kind of sad and frustrated, and pretty disillusioned.

I wonder when it ever began to matter how many people like or follow or friend us or retweet our tweets and share our posts and leave us comments?  And how very crazy is that anyway?  What a weird culture we live in these days.  At what point did we begin to align our value and worth with something so trivial and silly and worldly?  To numbers for goodness sake?  And to a virtual life that in no way fully encompasses all that we are and all that we offer to this world?

Standing at the dryer folding clothes one day, I was feeling particularly invisible and discouraged about this very thing and I knew I needed to take it to Jesus.  Like really take it to Jesus.  Like lay it down and let it go and never pick it up again.  It bugged me that it bugged me, and it felt prideful and shameful and yuck, so I began to pray and invite Jesus into it.  I wanted to hear his thoughts and heart on my keeping score, and what I sensed so clearly, so sweetly in my spirit, was this...

These beautiful, life-giving words from Christ…

"Jenny, your value and worth have absolutely nothing to do with your number of followers.  You know this, but I'm making it a reality in your heart.  Right now, with just twenty-two followers, you are just as valuable and worthy and loved and seen as you would be if you had twenty-two hundred, or even twenty-two thousand followers.  And one day, if you have twenty-two hundred or twenty-two thousand followers, you will be no more valuable and worthy and loved and seen than you are right now, this very minute, with just twenty-two.  Your reach and sphere of influence may change, but your value and worth are forever sealed in Me.  They will never change,  fluctuate or vary.  They are steady, constant, and true.  Irreversible for all of time.  Receive it, believe it, rest in it, and let go of keeping score.  Live free as you trust in Me."

Those words rescued my heart that day.  They set me free from obsessing over numbers and getting lost, from posturing and arranging, and from doubting and questioning my value and worth.  They set me free from shame and pride, and from getting stuck and disillusioned.

Since that day, I've marveled as I've watched God grow my little space in His time and way, and it's both humbled and honored me.  The number of my followers has increased as He's called me up and out and widened my reach, but NOTHING has changed in terms of my value and worth.  Just as Jesus said, those things are final and finished and sealed forever in Him.  I'm deeply grateful for that truth, and ever so thankful to be free from counting and keeping score.

And that's something I'm holding fast to even still, day by day, as followers come and go, and as the numbers go up and down.  It continues to set me free.

Is this something you also wrestle with?  This keeping of score and believing that your value and worth are somehow determined by numbers, likes, and follows?  If so, know that all the words Jesus spoke to my heart are true for your heart as well.  You are seen and loved and valuable and worthy right now, today, regardless of a bunch of silly numbers.  Let go and live free.  XO

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